"Dearest Everyone-
This is my journal entry beginning September 11, 2001. I wanted to share it with you, because I was in New York; because it was the heaviest thing I have ever experienced ~


Love,
Stevie Nicks
Sept. 11, 2001 
11:30 a.m.
We got into New York via private jet at 2 o’clock this morning, coming into New York from Toronto, Canada. I have been listening to Shawn Colvin’s song, Another Plane Went Down, from her new album, A Whole New You, all the way here while trying to compose a letter to Gladys Knight about Aaliyah, her niece; about my dream. Airports, planes everywhere, music, music, tears in my eyes, Sulamith (my yorkie) was upset all the way from Canada, psychic, dreamlike, flying, flying, flying.

And now, it has happened. Two planes dove into the World Trade Center Towers ~
4 hijackings in 3 hours. The Trade Center is gone, thousands of people are dead. The Pentagon was attacked kamikaze style, and one plane they are pretty sure, was on its way to the White House.

Everyone is pretty sure it was Osama Bin Laden, the evil high tech murderer hiding in Afghanistan…

People are walking across the Brooklyn Bridge trying to get home. I am here at the world famous Waldorf=Astoria, the hotel where the presidents stay ~

I will write as the day unfolds~

I am pretty sure Radio City will cancel; I think their offices were in the Towers…I am so sad for them…

Aircraft warships are on their way to us here in New York and to Washington… I don’t really know what we are going to do now – the airports are completely shut down-
My heart is broken.
8:42 a.m. First Tower
9:04 a.m. 2nd Tower
9:40 a.m. Pentagon
9:59 a.m. South Tower falls
10:28 a.m. North Tower falls 
             (people jump)
11:29 a.m. United flt 99 crashes in rural Pennsylvania
5:20 p.m. #7 Tower collapses



Sept. 12, 2001
4:42 a.m. in the morning

We are a devastated city
I feel I am a part of this city.
We are a strong, brilliant city
We are watching a piece of history
We are living through a tragedy
Like no one – has ever seen…

The fire chief of New York is dead
His assistant fire chief is dead.
One of my champions from Warner Brothers wife is gone. She was coming home from Boston after settling their twin daughters at a University. Their grandmother was with their Mom.

M.H. called from Toronto. He is there with the Backstreet Boys. One of their carpenters went home because his wife was having a baby. He was on one of those planes.

We are a grieving city
A surreal city ~
It is 5:09 a.m. in the morning
We are still a dark city –
But soon it will be dawn – and the dreamlike reality of yesterday will turn into the true reality of what has really happened.

I have seen grown men cry today. They seem to be having the most trouble with this. They are the protectors –
And they feel so helpless ~
They can’t stand it.

It seems that, as Don Henley so brilliantly said ~
“This is the end- of the innocence.”

5:15 a.m.

I sit here at 5:15 in the morning – in shock. The tears just don’t stop. As a writer, I am driven to write what it has been like to be 20 minutes away from the Twin Towers ~

To be here at the world famous, Waldorf-Astoria Hotel, home of foreign diplomats and gathering place of politicians, in a suite where I am quite sure Heads of State have met, and discussed the problems of the world. The living room is all dark wood, ceiling to floor, and you can just imagine John Kennedy sitting at the desk. It is stunning. This hotel is where the presidents have always stayed, and this grand old hotel is in full lockdown. All but two entrances are closed, the driveway through the hotel – shut, all the cars - moved out.

I feel strangely safe here in New York now – and the city still looks awesome from my windows, still sparkly, still beautiful, almost like – from this room-
Nothing ever happened-
Almost…
The television news people are extraordinary – all of them. They are tired; you can see it in their changing faces, as the day has gone by. Of course, I feel like I know them all, like they are really dear friends, choking up and recovering, just like me, hour after hour…
You can’t go through something like this with a city. You become attached. You become “war buddies.”
It is just so deep.
It is 6:10.
It is sunrise

6:38 a.m.

It was a beautiful sunrise. It has turned the white curtains pink, the room pink- I swear.
The sun is one half inch over the city horizon, the sky is peacock blue, sky blue but the city is still glowing pink. If I had been sleeping since Monday and I looked out this window, I would think, “It just looks like a beautiful New York fall day, my favorite thing, let’s shop! It looks just like it did Tuesday morning when I went to bed, just before this all happened.
The view is so beautiful that looking up at it, almost makes you start to feel good, and forget, and then, honestly you feel guilty, and then you feel worse and sick to your stomach. If they can’t sleep, then I’m not going to sleep either… So today is both beautiful and frightening, looking out from 36 floors up, can I tell you how unimaginable it would be if I looked up and saw a big jet flying towards me, in this country?

Not possible.
My question – “How could this happen?”
I am overwhelmed with how extraordinary the firemen and the policemen are. They just don’t give up. They “don’t stop.” They are awesome…and so is Mayor Guiliani. I would ALWAYS want them on my team. They are my heroes.

Well, I think I have to sleep now. In an interview from the street, a man says in tears , “You do not want to see the things I’ve seen today…I am traumatized.” “I am traumatized for life…”

That is the truth…
We are all traumatized.
“I’m tired.
I’m thirsty –
I’m wild eyed
In my misery.”

God Bless everyone that lost someone ~
And all of those ~ that are gone…
I am so sorry ~

                 Stevie Nicks
                 7:06 in the morning

P.S.
The room is still glowing pink – 
I swear…

Last Thought…September 14, 2001

Please everyone, do not blame people for this just because they are Muslim – or come from some other ethnic group. If you do, you let Osama Bin Laden win – as surely as if you helped him put those planes through those towers. You - become him. He wins.
Consider this carefully…

September 13, 2001
Thursday Night – Late 
5:29 a.m.
Atlantic City, NJ
I just spent the last several hours copying my last journal pages for my website. I have never done this before; I guess it’s time…I decided this morning that we should go to Atlantic City now. My lungs were starting to feel some burning from the fiery air ~ and if I wanted to sing Saturday night, staying one more night might put that in jeopardy. So we packed up in an hour and a half and left New York. Since then, they have shut down the New York airports again. Also, they have found 2 more sets of terrorists. They think there were going to be two more planes taken down. They have the people in custody. They have picture identified 18 terrorists so far. Obviously the highest form of detective work is going on as we speak. My friend Liza Jane was right; this is just the beginning. This is World War 3.
             Chilling…

It just seems to get worse every day. Oh, by the way, we are right on the ocean and it’s raining~
      The sky is crying~
                 Stevie Nicks



September 18th, 2001
Tuesday Morning
Washington, D.C.
4:15 a.m.

We just came in from Columbus, OH. Today was a very bad day for me. It’s almost too much for me to bear out here… I called my Mom, and I called my friend, Don Henley for a pep talk. Don says, the Eagles are recording but it is very hard now. At first he said, “Just come home, honey”, but after a minute, he said, “Are people coming to the shows?” I said, “Yes.” The he said, “Well, Stevie, if you can gut it out, and make people happy for a minute, then try and stay out there.” I heard him….
When my Mom answered the phone, I burst into tears and said, “I don’t know if I can stay out here, I’m having a really hard time.” She said, “Stevie, I have had at least 10 phone calls from Atlantic City saying they loved it, and that you totally cheered them up!” “Honey, if you can finish this tour, think of how many hearts that you can lift up…That is what YOU can do for your country ~ This is your gift. So if you can possibly figure a way to get through this, then do it. I know you can do this. You are that strong.”
So we did the show tonight in Columbus, and it was good, love conquers all, people were happy – 
        I just have to hang on…
        Thank you God, Mom & Don for getting me through this day ~
Love,
          Stevie Nicks

Written on the plane flying to Washington, D.C. from Columbus, Ohio and to Atlanta from Washington, D.C.
         ***

So with great courage
We
Get back on the plane
We strive to carry on
We break through the pain
The show must go on
We ~
Get back on the plane…

Back to Washington, D.C. 
We are smiling
We are dealing with the pain
We’re not crying
The skies are beautiful, starry, and sad~
It seems they understand
They are glad we have come back
We get back –
    On the plane…

With full hearts
We ~ 
Get back on the plane
We are being escorted out of Washington
By an F-16
Nothing is the same
Everything has changed
We~
Get back on the plane

In deep reflection
We~
Get back on the plane
Each night with determination
We consider it again
To NOT go on
Would be a shame…
So we-
Get back on the plane.

        S.N.



September 20th, 2001
Thursday morning
3:25 a.m.
Atlanta, GA.

Well, obviously we did not go back to New York for the ‘Today Show’. They cancelled because they are going to do a town meeting. I understand…They wanted me to still come to read some of this journal on VH-1 ~ and do a telethon Friday night~ but we couldn’t have gotten the band and equipment to Atlanta (the next day) and as my mom said, the shows must go on, so we just came here from Washington, D.C.
The Washington, D.C. show was good. I met a little 9-year-old girl confined to a wheel chair – her name was ‘Gia’. What a little doll… She was so excited, she could hardly talk. I hugged her for a long time. I will never forget her as long as I live. Thank you Gia, for those hugs-
        I needed them-
          Love,
                 Stevie Nicks

P.S.
Thank you God, for Gia~



September 21st, 2001
Early in the morning
Atlanta, GA.

As I said last night, we didn’t go back to New York. I was very disappointed. I wanted to sing “Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You?”, and “Landslide” for New York.
But there must be a reason, and as my terrific manager said, “You NEED to do these shows, it is making people so happy,” and I know that. But you almost feel like it’s not right to feel good, or to laugh, not even for me – on stage…
So everyday, I wake up in a mini panic attack, especially on show days. This starts about noon everyday and doesn’t go away until I am driving away from the show to the plane. That is the only time I can feel calm or safe. That is the time when I reaffirm my conviction to stay out here and finish this tour. That is when I gather my strength, up there in the air, flying through the night.
It’s then that I think I will not let this crazy, sad, nervousness beat me down and make me stop doing what I love. Performing for the people, being an entertainer. This has always been my first love.

Anyway, the shows have been good, and I do think I take the people away for a moment, I see them smile, I see them dance, I touch their hands, I look into their eyes, they are suffering, but for just a moment, we are free ~
And that childlike innocence~
        Is back…
             Thank you God,
                 For that…
                     Love,
                          Stevie Nicks



Thank you for reading these words. It seems to help me. I hope that it will help you.
                     I love you~
                           Stevie



Again, Thank you for reading my words~
It is my own personal therapy~
     I love you all…
        S.N.



September 23, 2001
Nashville, TN
2:36 a.m.

We got here at midnight~ flying in from Atlanta, our old haunt. Lori is here…When she walked into the suite in Atlanta, we both burst into tears, standing in the entry way and just held each other for about 5 minutes…I don’t think we have EVER done that in the 22 years that we have known each other. Life and friends are just so precious now - She helps me so much…Our flight was under an hour tonight, back here to the rooms where the chorus to “Fall From Grace” was written. They have re-done the rooms~
               They are nice…

The show was hard for me tonight. The sadness does have a price. It takes away your energy, you feel weaker, it would be very easy to start to cry on stage…I didn’t, but I almost did.
This will all be over soon, and I will be back in my green ocean room where I am safe and warm. Maybe then I can try to make some sense of this. I hope we can go back to New York and make up our Radio City date and make it into a benefit – Maybe I’ll ask Mayor Rudy what exactly it should be for ~ or who needs it most ~ I need to do that for MY heart – 
        I will make that happen…
                  Stevie



September 27, 2001
San Francisco
Thursday night
St. Francis Hotel
4:25 a.m.

Back on the west coast…The part of me that became a New Yorker on Sept. 11th, is having quite a difficult time becoming a California girl again – When there are not enough people to go to the firemen’s funeral’s. I see this on television, and I am haunted by the sound of the bagpipes ~ and I forget I’m not there- Now, when they find someone they just have a little service there, AT ground zero – and get back to work. No time to stop and mourn their loss- or celebrate their life- they just have to keep digging.
I went out today to get someone a birthday present – there is hardly anyone in the stores here in San Francisco, so far from New York, and yet so solemn…There is still a dead calm that you aren’t aware of, really, until you go out. Everyone is sad, the whole world is sad. It is like in “The Never Ending Story”, when the people run into the “NOTHING”, that is trying to take over the world – just a big dark empty space where ‘nothing’ is…
That is what will become of us if we don’t ‘get back on the horse’~
Or at least, ‘get back on the plane’~
         The airports are empty
         The stores are empty
         They say Las Vegas - is empty
              Dear God~
              Show us the way back~
                 Stevie Nicks



September 28, 2001
Mandarin Oriental Hotel
1:20 a.m.

I am watching a show on KQUED called ‘I am America’, about how frightening it is now, because the adrenaline part is calming down and we are learning every day – new insidious things that the bombing has caused. The incredible “special effects” of it all is turning into something much more ominous. I heard at dinner tonight that a friend of mine was asked to leave a plane after being seated and asked to show I.D. and other identification because he ‘looked foreign’…? This is someone who was in New York with me – and cried…many times. Of course, his feelings were really hurt – but he understood~ how sad is that~ a month ago, this could never have happened-
Everything will be different from now on and we are just going to have to be patient, understanding, - and live with it – The trust has been broken. I feel I have aged about 5 years since Sept. 11th. My skin feels different; My eyes look different to me 
– My frown is more pronounced~

3:15 a.m.

I am looking out at Koit tower, the lighthouse in San Francisco bay, the Golden Gate Bridge…This beautiful, romantic city in the middle of the night-
I have to believe there is still hope. The lights just couldn’t be this brilliant if there were no hope left… I play tomorrow at Shoreline, San Jose, land of Bill Graham, big rock shows, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix, all those great San Francisco bands that we opened for – the place where Buckingham/Nicks was born – leading us into that famous love affair that was to become Fleetwood Mac~ My first ‘love’ relationship – 5 years – (not Lindsey) this is where my musical life began – this is where I first lived on my own with my friend Robin (‘69/’70/’71) ~
So this is as close to going home as it gets – my dearest friends will be there ~
         San Francisco~
             Here I come…

         Thank you God ~
             For music
                And for
                Hope…

                Stevie Nicks

Mandarin Oriental	
San Francisco
Saturday Nite
3:45 a.m.
So tomorrow is Shoreline, my old stomping ground – I had dinner with a friend tonight and we talked about how disheartening it is to now live in a society that is in fear. We went round and round about it. About how to get over it; about how to move forward- about how not to cry everyday (my eyes can’t take it…)

We are a society of broken hearts. My friends said the only time they can forget about it is during the show – and doesn’t that say something for he healing power of music~ for that to be the one thing that almost brings you back to ‘normal’ ~ at least for two hours.

And so we go on. Anti-war demonstrations are starting to happen. As Bob Dylan said – “There was music in the cafes – There was revolution in the air.” I’m sure we will hear from Bob soon ~ He is the rock poet journalist of our time ~ And I bet he has a lot to say~

      And the days go by ~ like a strand in the wind~

            In the web that is my own~

                 I begin again~
                         Stevie Nicks



Las Vegas
3:45 a.m.
Aladdin Theatre

The new Aladdin Theatre is beautiful – The show was good; I am still hoarse~ but I’ll make it. I think a little of my strength is coming back. Mom & Dad are here, my cousin John is here~ my brother, Lori, my whole family – so I am safe…

I just copied over some more of my journal entries for my website- It has become important to me now that we are together on this.

The tour is almost over. Las Vegas is sparkling in all it’s purple and reds and greens and gold~ magnificent in it’s own ‘Vegas’ way. I know now that I am going to have done what I said I would do~ keep dancing, make up all the shows that I cancelled because of pneumonia – and come home with my reputation intact-

It is the 4th weekend of the clean up process in New York. It is STILL smoldering…I need to go to ground zero when I return to New York~ For some reason, I feel I have to do that~

                Love,
                    Stevie Nicks



Oct. 8th, 2001
Back in L.A.

Well, I am hoarse after the two shows in Vegas, but hey, after pneumonia- what’s a little hoarseness- I f I can just stay quiet for the next 2 days, I should be fine at the Universal Amphitheatre~

We are bombing Afghanistan as we speak~ The Taliban are furious. Also there was a chilling film clip of Bin Laden saying that the ‘sword’ had fallen on New York – and that as long as there are ANY AMERICANS in that part of their world, that we here will never be safe – and they will make sure we live in constant fear…What a wild man he is – destructive to the end. They cancelled the Emmys – AGAIN. Los Angeles is really on full alert – waiting for some kind of retaliation. Maybe that just won’t happen. Here in the valley ~everything is quiet– The view from my hotel is the valley at it’s best. So right now I am just a ‘valley girl’ waiting to do her last two shows –which I hope, will be great. In my nervousness, I just have to keep telling myself- “If you can’t have fun in L.A.- with all your dearest friends here- you really are in bad shape-
                 So, nerves- be gone…

                 Thank you God for
                 Getting me home~

                         Love,
                           Stevie



Monday Nite
L.A.

Tomorrow is the first show at the Universal Amphitheatre – I suppose you could call them the most important shows of the tour, except for New York, of course. The industry will be there, that is always scary…but after what I have been through on this tour- it should be a piece of cake. I am excited to finally play here, for my friends. It is the culmination of a tour I thought I might not be able to finish. So I am proud – we are going to have a party after the second show~

Dear God, let me be great tomorrow- let me forget about terrorism and sing your songs from my heart – let me feel good and be happy~ let me give that to these people-that is my prayer-
       And remember Stevie~
           Walk like a queen~
Soon I will be home, and this will all seem like a dream I had one night~

I run through the grass, I run over the stones, down to the sea~ Show me the way back~
       Honey…
                         Love,
                           Stevie Nicks



12:00 Noon
L.A. 
Tuesday Afternoon

Alright- the show is almost here~ a few hours away~ Los Angeles California~
               City of the Angels~

There is of course, that emotional part of me that says- “It can’t really be over- the band is so-o-o good now~” But it is – I made it…I overcame the odds…
               I just did it-
                   Let’s Rock-
                         Love,
                           Stevie Nicks



Tuesday Night
3 o’clock
after the show

It is done
It is over 
It was hard
We were good soldiers
We endured-
Across the heartland
We were on a crusade, on a 
Mission-
And not afraid-
To admit it
We had each other
We were committed-
We were all in love
And not afraid to-
Admit it-

I said ‘goodbye’ tonight-
But not ‘goodbye’
A small separation-
A moment in time
After where we came from
Priceless- you can’t buy it-
Just like the white winged dove-
It’s no good- crying…
We are all guitar players here
She sighs – (she’s sighing)
What a bond we have made~
For all time-

But then the sword fell
And there was the test
I screamed out for an answer
I confess-
The great spirits came to me-
You must – do this -

It’s not too much for you
It’s not too much stress
It’s about sanity
It’s about their happiness

And to their words, I listened
To my mother
To my prophets
To my musical soulmates
The nucleus that surrounded me
Safe in their protection-
I climbed back up the mountain-
The Gods have been with us
From the very first minute-
That was when I finally-
Took a deep breath
And to all of the rest of you
The saving of my grace-
Inconceivable
Priceless, I’ll always love you
       You were –
      -Unbelievable-

S. Nicks

Thursday Night
Back at the beach

Illume
Says the candle that I burn
A reflection in the window
All the way to point Dune
A cliff dweller from the old school-

I like the coastal cities
I like the lights
I like the way the ocean blends
Into the city at night
Like living on a working river
The coastline is glittering-
Like a diamond snake-
In a black sky

And I am alone with my thoughts
And how we could make it-
And what we have all been through
And all of the trauma-
With the smell of Nag Champa
Like a kiss- like a stranger-
What we have seen on this journey
Are what legends are made of-

I will not take you for granted
My friend, my dear one, my love-
I wouldn’t trade you for jade…
Or for diamonds~
I need you to be there~
Please~
Remember when I am haunted
That I was just scared-
And when I remember
That day in my life-
I will remember that you-
       Were there-

             Stevie Nicks 
             Oct. 11th, 2001



The ocean is dramatic – when you live on a mountain by the sea, the ocean is so loud that it seems like it’s own person – like a spirit. It is very different from living on the sand –
Where the ocean just goes straight out away from you – and it sounds more like constant percussion. When you are high above the ocean, you hear the whole ocean come from past Manhattan Beach right by you – and all the way to point Dune – and then it is silent- for a few seconds, and then – it sounds like the Shanghai Express is passing right under you – So, I will always find a cliff to dwell on, somewhere in this world – It almost seems like, sitting here, watching the cars go up the coast – that I never left~ Nothing has changed~ and yet, everything has changed~ I feel a little bit like I am in the “Twilight Zone”- But I am home~ I am starting to calm down a little bit, knowing there is no show tomorrow~ Lucky for me and the band that we are doing several shows between now and December or we’d all be freaked out. It is always hard to come back into the atmosphere after a tour ends. It is the age-old rock road problem – the road becomes normal~ going home is strange. The great thing is that- sitting here looking out my window there is not a Ritz-Carlton or a Four Seasons view that even comes close to what I’m looking at now.
So, I don’t know how I will feel tomorrow- I think I will rest for a few days and then work on the benefit I want to do there – I return to New York in November and there’s that part of me that can’t wait to go back. Actually, that is how I feel right now- like I found another home. New York, the city, became my heart that day. Someday I will have a house (by the sea) there~and write books~
                And remember~

And last but not least, what I want to tell you is that sharing my ‘rock journal’ with you has been my therapy and my healing grace~ I thank you all so much for all your responses- Now that we’ve started this relationship, I will keep in touch~ my next adventure is out there on the horizon waiting, so it should be, at least, journal worthy~ And, thank you for coming to the shows. I do feel that there were great moments, even on the saddest nights~ and we had “great spirit.” From the very first show in Atlantic City, where I was just frozen- you made it possible for me to perform- with all your good feelings and energy- I will never forget you for that~ With all the trouble in Shangri-La~ I made it through~ with your help~

                               Thank you
                         from the bottom of my 
                               Wild Heart…

                                 Stevie

It is very late in the evening on September 10th, 2002

To Everyone~
As I said last year~ I wanted to share some of my journal entries with you~ 
A follow up to what we all experienced one year ago~ 
again, it helps me, I hope it helps you
     a little bit~

I will write something the night of September 11th ~
Tomorrow night I’m sure~ emotional day ahead~
Everyone take a deep breath~
Thank you for reading these words~

Stevie Nicks

February 29th, 2002

Tomorrow I fly to New York~
First New York trip since 9-11~
First commercial flight~
since 9-11~

We finally ~
      “Get back on the plane”

              Love,
              Stevie

March 11th, 2002
6 month anniversary of September 11th ~

Isn’t it odd that I am here today~ I was supposed to have left on Saturday, but Friday I decided I didn’t want to make 3 more cross country flights. Coming here last week was the first time I have traveled on a commercial airline since Sept. 11th. I came here to do the Revlon Breast Cancer Benefit with Sheryl Crow. When I realized that I was going to have to come back the next weekend to see my best friend Tom Petty be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame~ I just decided to stay ~ So here I am on March 11th, the 6 month anniversary of the bombing of the World Trade Center.

I am watching the Oprah show about Lauren, the lady chased through the lobby by a fire ball that blew out of the elevator and burned almost her whole body ~ About her husband, who never left her side~ And about her little boy, who did not run away from her when he saw her.

I’m sure tonight many more stories will be told~ People need to share their stories~ It opens my eyes even more to the ongoing aftershocks of that saddest of days~ But also, to the incredible resilience of the people of New York. What impresses me most is that everyone except the people here have been able to move away from the tragedy a little bit~ But the people here~ by virtue of just living here~ can’t really move away at all~ Everyday, new information, new stories~ Everyday that I have been here I have been touched by something about 9-11~ My morning at the Waldorf=Astoria, the morning that everyone’s ‘childlike innocence’ was threatened…But 6 months later~ here in New York~ People did not lose hope forever~ So I am glad and proud to be here now. Once again, it pretty much makes my problems fade to gray. I will write more as the week progresses~ I’m sure there will be much to say.

Tonight they light the two great blue light beams in tribute to those who died~ And for those who are left.
You will see these beams from outer space~ And from heaven…
In one minute the lights will be turned on~ here they go~ the two columns are becoming brighter and brighter…they are beautiful.
                      Beautiful
                       Blue
                        Light…
                         Love
                          Stevie 
                           Nicks



New York City
March 12th-
2:00am
Late night news coverage

Slowly, a newswoman walks us through ground zero~ slowly touring the hallways hand prints on a wall, bottles in the Bar-Café, still waiting to be opened, not broken, not a person in sight~ dead or alive.
            You really just can’t believe it.
I can’t express enough how much I admire the people who live here…it’s wonderful to be here~ but it is just so heavy~ Like I wrote when it happened~ it’s just almost too much to bear. Just overwhelming~ the blue lights went on tonight. You know how I feel about blue light…They are beautiful~ like the towers are~ see through, like gauze~ ghostly…Maybe that is what the towers look like in heaven…

                    Don’t take me to the tower
                    And take my child away
                    ‘Twas I who was the hour glass
                    And the sands of time, like shattering glass
                    Went past me~ Like a tunnel ~
                    To the sea…

The four firemen working at the site~ Until they find their children. And John returned~ who lost two sons, well, if I had the power~ you can bet I would have turned back time~ waved a magic wand~ and given these men back their children. How inspired I am by them. I will write about them forever~

And so, in the words of an anonymous newsman~
       “The grief is still as deep~
            As the towers were tall”

I guess that about says it all…
                            Love
                        Stevie Nicks



May 30th , 2002
New York City

And once again, as destiny would have it, I am again here for the 3rd symbolic day of the tragedy. I came here to do a benefit show for the Robin Hood Foundation, a foundation that supports underprivileged children in New York ~ not realizing that ~ today, an empty stretcher is to be loaded into a waiting ambulance~ signifying the people who were never found.

The last steel girder, covered by a flag, put on a big truck~
                      And slowly driven away.

This is so hard for those who have worked so hard to find everybody. No one wanted to give up. I think they are so awesome.

So today, here in New York, the cleaning up is done, like that great fireman who said “We will stay until it is broom clean”~ and today was the official day where it was declared~ broom clean.



September 10, 2002
12:30a.m.
The Beach

I’m alone now…with my thoughts~ of how we could make it…of how we could get out. Of all of the trauma and of what we have been through…the smell of Nag Champra; shadows of the strangers…What I saw on this journey, I saw history go down; I cannot pretend that the heartache goes away. It’s just like a river; it’s never ending. I cannot pretend that the heartache falls away~
        Because it’s like a river~
              It’s never ending…



A year ago today ~ at this very time I was in the air~ flying from Toronto Canada to New York City. We landed at about three o’clock. I had been listening to a Shawn Colvin song over and over for weeks~ just this one song. It was about plane crashes.
               “They found her on a hill
                    in Columbia
               Intact amongst the debris”~
I remember singing that line walking from the plane to the limo~ over and over. It was my choice to not stay in Toronto for the day off. The band stayed in Canada. I wanted to go to New York… I think that is ~ destiny.
For some strange reason, I was meant to be there. Looking back, I see those three days, (11th, 12th, 13th) as in a dream. It’s all in slow motion…I remember being~ so happy to be going there. Maybe it is the contrast of the joyfulness and lightness~ the drive into New York~ the first time you see all the city lights, getting to the Waldorf~walking into that beautiful suite~that glorious New York sunrise coming through all the windows~I was so happy to be there. I don’t think I have ever felt that kind of joy~backed up against that kind of shock and disbelief. It seemed that I had just closed my eyes~                 And the world changed 
                               Forever~

I will not take you for granted
I wouldn’t trade you for jade~
Or for diamonds~
Not for one minute,
Not for anything
I need you to be there~
Just remember when I am haunted~
That I was just so scared.

I feel lucky that I was able to come off the road into the dreamlike setting of recording a studio album with Fleetwood Mac. It was a good place to be after what I had been through, I was very emotional~ the band felt very healing to me. I also felt so blessed to be alive and also be in a big time rock and roll band making new music~a great tragedy followed by a gift. Making this record has been a gift.

So for tonight, that is my message~

               Love is a gift
               Music is a gift
               Life is a gift
               Freedom ~ is a gift…

And the days go by
Like a strand in the wind~
In the web that is my own
        I begin again…
                       Love
                       Stevie”

"Dearest Everyone-
This is my journal entry beginning September 11, 2001. I wanted to share it with you, because I was in New York; because it was the heaviest thing I have ever experienced ~


Love,
Stevie Nicks
Sept. 11, 2001 
11:30 a.m.
We got into New York via private jet at 2 o’clock this morning, coming into New York from Toronto, Canada. I have been listening to Shawn Colvin’s song, Another Plane Went Down, from her new album, A Whole New You, all the way here while trying to compose a letter to Gladys Knight about Aaliyah, her niece; about my dream. Airports, planes everywhere, music, music, tears in my eyes, Sulamith (my yorkie) was upset all the way from Canada, psychic, dreamlike, flying, flying, flying.

And now, it has happened. Two planes dove into the World Trade Center Towers ~
4 hijackings in 3 hours. The Trade Center is gone, thousands of people are dead. The Pentagon was attacked kamikaze style, and one plane they are pretty sure, was on its way to the White House.

Everyone is pretty sure it was Osama Bin Laden, the evil high tech murderer hiding in Afghanistan…

People are walking across the Brooklyn Bridge trying to get home. I am here at the world famous Waldorf=Astoria, the hotel where the presidents stay ~

I will write as the day unfolds~

I am pretty sure Radio City will cancel; I think their offices were in the Towers…I am so sad for them…

Aircraft warships are on their way to us here in New York and to Washington… I don’t really know what we are going to do now – the airports are completely shut down-
My heart is broken.
8:42 a.m. First Tower
9:04 a.m. 2nd Tower
9:40 a.m. Pentagon
9:59 a.m. South Tower falls
10:28 a.m. North Tower falls
(people jump)
11:29 a.m. United flt 99 crashes in rural Pennsylvania
5:20 p.m. #7 Tower collapses

Sept. 12, 2001
4:42 a.m. in the morning

We are a devastated city
I feel I am a part of this city.
We are a strong, brilliant city
We are watching a piece of history
We are living through a tragedy
Like no one – has ever seen…

The fire chief of New York is dead
His assistant fire chief is dead.
One of my champions from Warner Brothers wife is gone. She was coming home from Boston after settling their twin daughters at a University. Their grandmother was with their Mom.

M.H. called from Toronto. He is there with the Backstreet Boys. One of their carpenters went home because his wife was having a baby. He was on one of those planes.

We are a grieving city
A surreal city ~
It is 5:09 a.m. in the morning
We are still a dark city –
But soon it will be dawn – and the dreamlike reality of yesterday will turn into the true reality of what has really happened.

I have seen grown men cry today. They seem to be having the most trouble with this. They are the protectors –
And they feel so helpless ~
They can’t stand it.

It seems that, as Don Henley so brilliantly said ~
“This is the end- of the innocence.”

5:15 a.m.

I sit here at 5:15 in the morning – in shock. The tears just don’t stop. As a writer, I am driven to write what it has been like to be 20 minutes away from the Twin Towers ~

To be here at the world famous, Waldorf-Astoria Hotel, home of foreign diplomats and gathering place of politicians, in a suite where I am quite sure Heads of State have met, and discussed the problems of the world. The living room is all dark wood, ceiling to floor, and you can just imagine John Kennedy sitting at the desk. It is stunning. This hotel is where the presidents have always stayed, and this grand old hotel is in full lockdown. All but two entrances are closed, the driveway through the hotel – shut, all the cars - moved out.

I feel strangely safe here in New York now – and the city still looks awesome from my windows, still sparkly, still beautiful, almost like – from this room-
Nothing ever happened-
Almost…
The television news people are extraordinary – all of them. They are tired; you can see it in their changing faces, as the day has gone by. Of course, I feel like I know them all, like they are really dear friends, choking up and recovering, just like me, hour after hour…
You can’t go through something like this with a city. You become attached. You become “war buddies.”
It is just so deep.
It is 6:10.
It is sunrise

6:38 a.m.

It was a beautiful sunrise. It has turned the white curtains pink, the room pink- I swear.
The sun is one half inch over the city horizon, the sky is peacock blue, sky blue but the city is still glowing pink. If I had been sleeping since Monday and I looked out this window, I would think, “It just looks like a beautiful New York fall day, my favorite thing, let’s shop! It looks just like it did Tuesday morning when I went to bed, just before this all happened.
The view is so beautiful that looking up at it, almost makes you start to feel good, and forget, and then, honestly you feel guilty, and then you feel worse and sick to your stomach. If they can’t sleep, then I’m not going to sleep either… So today is both beautiful and frightening, looking out from 36 floors up, can I tell you how unimaginable it would be if I looked up and saw a big jet flying towards me, in this country?

Not possible.
My question – “How could this happen?”
I am overwhelmed with how extraordinary the firemen and the policemen are. They just don’t give up. They “don’t stop.” They are awesome…and so is Mayor Guiliani. I would ALWAYS want them on my team. They are my heroes.

Well, I think I have to sleep now. In an interview from the street, a man says in tears , “You do not want to see the things I’ve seen today…I am traumatized.” “I am traumatized for life…”

That is the truth…
We are all traumatized.
“I’m tired.
I’m thirsty –
I’m wild eyed
In my misery.”

God Bless everyone that lost someone ~
And all of those ~ that are gone…
I am so sorry ~

Stevie Nicks
7:06 in the morning

P.S.
The room is still glowing pink –
I swear…

Last Thought…September 14, 2001

Please everyone, do not blame people for this just because they are Muslim – or come from some other ethnic group. If you do, you let Osama Bin Laden win – as surely as if you helped him put those planes through those towers. You - become him. He wins.
Consider this carefully…

September 13, 2001
Thursday Night – Late
5:29 a.m.
Atlantic City, NJ
I just spent the last several hours copying my last journal pages for my website. I have never done this before; I guess it’s time…I decided this morning that we should go to Atlantic City now. My lungs were starting to feel some burning from the fiery air ~ and if I wanted to sing Saturday night, staying one more night might put that in jeopardy. So we packed up in an hour and a half and left New York. Since then, they have shut down the New York airports again. Also, they have found 2 more sets of terrorists. They think there were going to be two more planes taken down. They have the people in custody. They have picture identified 18 terrorists so far. Obviously the highest form of detective work is going on as we speak. My friend Liza Jane was right; this is just the beginning. This is World War 3.
Chilling…

It just seems to get worse every day. Oh, by the way, we are right on the ocean and it’s raining~
The sky is crying~
Stevie Nicks

September 18th, 2001
Tuesday Morning
Washington, D.C.
4:15 a.m.

We just came in from Columbus, OH. Today was a very bad day for me. It’s almost too much for me to bear out here… I called my Mom, and I called my friend, Don Henley for a pep talk. Don says, the Eagles are recording but it is very hard now. At first he said, “Just come home, honey”, but after a minute, he said, “Are people coming to the shows?” I said, “Yes.” The he said, “Well, Stevie, if you can gut it out, and make people happy for a minute, then try and stay out there.” I heard him….
When my Mom answered the phone, I burst into tears and said, “I don’t know if I can stay out here, I’m having a really hard time.” She said, “Stevie, I have had at least 10 phone calls from Atlantic City saying they loved it, and that you totally cheered them up!” “Honey, if you can finish this tour, think of how many hearts that you can lift up…That is what YOU can do for your country ~ This is your gift. So if you can possibly figure a way to get through this, then do it. I know you can do this. You are that strong.”
So we did the show tonight in Columbus, and it was good, love conquers all, people were happy –
I just have to hang on…
Thank you God, Mom & Don for getting me through this day ~
Love,
Stevie Nicks

Written on the plane flying to Washington, D.C. from Columbus, Ohio and to Atlanta from Washington, D.C.
***

So with great courage
We
Get back on the plane
We strive to carry on
We break through the pain
The show must go on
We ~
Get back on the plane…

Back to Washington, D.C.
We are smiling
We are dealing with the pain
We’re not crying
The skies are beautiful, starry, and sad~
It seems they understand
They are glad we have come back
We get back –
On the plane…

With full hearts
We ~
Get back on the plane
We are being escorted out of Washington
By an F-16
Nothing is the same
Everything has changed
We~
Get back on the plane

In deep reflection
We~
Get back on the plane
Each night with determination
We consider it again
To NOT go on
Would be a shame…
So we-
Get back on the plane.

S.N.

September 20th, 2001
Thursday morning
3:25 a.m.
Atlanta, GA.

Well, obviously we did not go back to New York for the ‘Today Show’. They cancelled because they are going to do a town meeting. I understand…They wanted me to still come to read some of this journal on VH-1 ~ and do a telethon Friday night~ but we couldn’t have gotten the band and equipment to Atlanta (the next day) and as my mom said, the shows must go on, so we just came here from Washington, D.C.
The Washington, D.C. show was good. I met a little 9-year-old girl confined to a wheel chair – her name was ‘Gia’. What a little doll… She was so excited, she could hardly talk. I hugged her for a long time. I will never forget her as long as I live. Thank you Gia, for those hugs-
I needed them-
Love,
Stevie Nicks

P.S.
Thank you God, for Gia~

September 21st, 2001
Early in the morning
Atlanta, GA.

As I said last night, we didn’t go back to New York. I was very disappointed. I wanted to sing “Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You?”, and “Landslide” for New York.
But there must be a reason, and as my terrific manager said, “You NEED to do these shows, it is making people so happy,” and I know that. But you almost feel like it’s not right to feel good, or to laugh, not even for me – on stage…
So everyday, I wake up in a mini panic attack, especially on show days. This starts about noon everyday and doesn’t go away until I am driving away from the show to the plane. That is the only time I can feel calm or safe. That is the time when I reaffirm my conviction to stay out here and finish this tour. That is when I gather my strength, up there in the air, flying through the night.
It’s then that I think I will not let this crazy, sad, nervousness beat me down and make me stop doing what I love. Performing for the people, being an entertainer. This has always been my first love.

Anyway, the shows have been good, and I do think I take the people away for a moment, I see them smile, I see them dance, I touch their hands, I look into their eyes, they are suffering, but for just a moment, we are free ~
And that childlike innocence~
Is back…
Thank you God,
For that…
Love,
Stevie Nicks

Thank you for reading these words. It seems to help me. I hope that it will help you.
I love you~
Stevie

Again, Thank you for reading my words~
It is my own personal therapy~
I love you all…
S.N.

September 23, 2001
Nashville, TN
2:36 a.m.

We got here at midnight~ flying in from Atlanta, our old haunt. Lori is here…When she walked into the suite in Atlanta, we both burst into tears, standing in the entry way and just held each other for about 5 minutes…I don’t think we have EVER done that in the 22 years that we have known each other. Life and friends are just so precious now - She helps me so much…Our flight was under an hour tonight, back here to the rooms where the chorus to “Fall From Grace” was written. They have re-done the rooms~
They are nice…

The show was hard for me tonight. The sadness does have a price. It takes away your energy, you feel weaker, it would be very easy to start to cry on stage…I didn’t, but I almost did.
This will all be over soon, and I will be back in my green ocean room where I am safe and warm. Maybe then I can try to make some sense of this. I hope we can go back to New York and make up our Radio City date and make it into a benefit – Maybe I’ll ask Mayor Rudy what exactly it should be for ~ or who needs it most ~ I need to do that for MY heart –
I will make that happen…
Stevie

September 27, 2001
San Francisco
Thursday night
St. Francis Hotel
4:25 a.m.

Back on the west coast…The part of me that became a New Yorker on Sept. 11th, is having quite a difficult time becoming a California girl again – When there are not enough people to go to the firemen’s funeral’s. I see this on television, and I am haunted by the sound of the bagpipes ~ and I forget I’m not there- Now, when they find someone they just have a little service there, AT ground zero – and get back to work. No time to stop and mourn their loss- or celebrate their life- they just have to keep digging.
I went out today to get someone a birthday present – there is hardly anyone in the stores here in San Francisco, so far from New York, and yet so solemn…There is still a dead calm that you aren’t aware of, really, until you go out. Everyone is sad, the whole world is sad. It is like in “The Never Ending Story”, when the people run into the “NOTHING”, that is trying to take over the world – just a big dark empty space where ‘nothing’ is…
That is what will become of us if we don’t ‘get back on the horse’~
Or at least, ‘get back on the plane’~
The airports are empty
The stores are empty
They say Las Vegas - is empty
Dear God~
Show us the way back~
Stevie Nicks

September 28, 2001
Mandarin Oriental Hotel
1:20 a.m.

I am watching a show on KQUED called ‘I am America’, about how frightening it is now, because the adrenaline part is calming down and we are learning every day – new insidious things that the bombing has caused. The incredible “special effects” of it all is turning into something much more ominous. I heard at dinner tonight that a friend of mine was asked to leave a plane after being seated and asked to show I.D. and other identification because he ‘looked foreign’…? This is someone who was in New York with me – and cried…many times. Of course, his feelings were really hurt – but he understood~ how sad is that~ a month ago, this could never have happened-
Everything will be different from now on and we are just going to have to be patient, understanding, - and live with it – The trust has been broken. I feel I have aged about 5 years since Sept. 11th. My skin feels different; My eyes look different to me
– My frown is more pronounced~

3:15 a.m.

I am looking out at Koit tower, the lighthouse in San Francisco bay, the Golden Gate Bridge…This beautiful, romantic city in the middle of the night-
I have to believe there is still hope. The lights just couldn’t be this brilliant if there were no hope left… I play tomorrow at Shoreline, San Jose, land of Bill Graham, big rock shows, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix, all those great San Francisco bands that we opened for – the place where Buckingham/Nicks was born – leading us into that famous love affair that was to become Fleetwood Mac~ My first ‘love’ relationship – 5 years – (not Lindsey) this is where my musical life began – this is where I first lived on my own with my friend Robin (‘69/’70/’71) ~
So this is as close to going home as it gets – my dearest friends will be there ~
San Francisco~
Here I come…

Thank you God ~
For music
And for
Hope…

Stevie Nicks

Mandarin Oriental
San Francisco
Saturday Nite
3:45 a.m.
So tomorrow is Shoreline, my old stomping ground – I had dinner with a friend tonight and we talked about how disheartening it is to now live in a society that is in fear. We went round and round about it. About how to get over it; about how to move forward- about how not to cry everyday (my eyes can’t take it…)

We are a society of broken hearts. My friends said the only time they can forget about it is during the show – and doesn’t that say something for he healing power of music~ for that to be the one thing that almost brings you back to ‘normal’ ~ at least for two hours.

And so we go on. Anti-war demonstrations are starting to happen. As Bob Dylan said – “There was music in the cafes – There was revolution in the air.” I’m sure we will hear from Bob soon ~ He is the rock poet journalist of our time ~ And I bet he has a lot to say~

And the days go by ~ like a strand in the wind~

In the web that is my own~

I begin again~
Stevie Nicks

Las Vegas
3:45 a.m.
Aladdin Theatre

The new Aladdin Theatre is beautiful – The show was good; I am still hoarse~ but I’ll make it. I think a little of my strength is coming back. Mom & Dad are here, my cousin John is here~ my brother, Lori, my whole family – so I am safe…

I just copied over some more of my journal entries for my website- It has become important to me now that we are together on this.

The tour is almost over. Las Vegas is sparkling in all it’s purple and reds and greens and gold~ magnificent in it’s own ‘Vegas’ way. I know now that I am going to have done what I said I would do~ keep dancing, make up all the shows that I cancelled because of pneumonia – and come home with my reputation intact-

It is the 4th weekend of the clean up process in New York. It is STILL smoldering…I need to go to ground zero when I return to New York~ For some reason, I feel I have to do that~

Love,
Stevie Nicks

Oct. 8th, 2001
Back in L.A.

Well, I am hoarse after the two shows in Vegas, but hey, after pneumonia- what’s a little hoarseness- I f I can just stay quiet for the next 2 days, I should be fine at the Universal Amphitheatre~

We are bombing Afghanistan as we speak~ The Taliban are furious. Also there was a chilling film clip of Bin Laden saying that the ‘sword’ had fallen on New York – and that as long as there are ANY AMERICANS in that part of their world, that we here will never be safe – and they will make sure we live in constant fear…What a wild man he is – destructive to the end. They cancelled the Emmys – AGAIN. Los Angeles is really on full alert – waiting for some kind of retaliation. Maybe that just won’t happen. Here in the valley ~everything is quiet– The view from my hotel is the valley at it’s best. So right now I am just a ‘valley girl’ waiting to do her last two shows –which I hope, will be great. In my nervousness, I just have to keep telling myself- “If you can’t have fun in L.A.- with all your dearest friends here- you really are in bad shape-
So, nerves- be gone…

Thank you God for
Getting me home~

Love,
Stevie

Monday Nite
L.A.

Tomorrow is the first show at the Universal Amphitheatre – I suppose you could call them the most important shows of the tour, except for New York, of course. The industry will be there, that is always scary…but after what I have been through on this tour- it should be a piece of cake. I am excited to finally play here, for my friends. It is the culmination of a tour I thought I might not be able to finish. So I am proud – we are going to have a party after the second show~

Dear God, let me be great tomorrow- let me forget about terrorism and sing your songs from my heart – let me feel good and be happy~ let me give that to these people-that is my prayer-
And remember Stevie~
Walk like a queen~
Soon I will be home, and this will all seem like a dream I had one night~

I run through the grass, I run over the stones, down to the sea~ Show me the way back~
Honey…
Love,
Stevie Nicks

12:00 Noon
L.A.
Tuesday Afternoon

Alright- the show is almost here~ a few hours away~ Los Angeles California~
City of the Angels~

There is of course, that emotional part of me that says- “It can’t really be over- the band is so-o-o good now~” But it is – I made it…I overcame the odds…
I just did it-
Let’s Rock-
Love,
Stevie Nicks

Tuesday Night
3 o’clock
after the show

It is done
It is over
It was hard
We were good soldiers
We endured-
Across the heartland
We were on a crusade, on a
Mission-
And not afraid-
To admit it
We had each other
We were committed-
We were all in love
And not afraid to-
Admit it-

I said ‘goodbye’ tonight-
But not ‘goodbye’
A small separation-
A moment in time
After where we came from
Priceless- you can’t buy it-
Just like the white winged dove-
It’s no good- crying…
We are all guitar players here
She sighs – (she’s sighing)
What a bond we have made~
For all time-

But then the sword fell
And there was the test
I screamed out for an answer
I confess-
The great spirits came to me-
You must – do this -

It’s not too much for you
It’s not too much stress
It’s about sanity
It’s about their happiness

And to their words, I listened
To my mother
To my prophets
To my musical soulmates
The nucleus that surrounded me
Safe in their protection-
I climbed back up the mountain-
The Gods have been with us
From the very first minute-
That was when I finally-
Took a deep breath
And to all of the rest of you
The saving of my grace-
Inconceivable
Priceless, I’ll always love you
You were –
-Unbelievable-

S. Nicks

Thursday Night
Back at the beach

Illume
Says the candle that I burn
A reflection in the window
All the way to point Dune
A cliff dweller from the old school-

I like the coastal cities
I like the lights
I like the way the ocean blends
Into the city at night
Like living on a working river
The coastline is glittering-
Like a diamond snake-
In a black sky

And I am alone with my thoughts
And how we could make it-
And what we have all been through
And all of the trauma-
With the smell of Nag Champa
Like a kiss- like a stranger-
What we have seen on this journey
Are what legends are made of-

I will not take you for granted
My friend, my dear one, my love-
I wouldn’t trade you for jade…
Or for diamonds~
I need you to be there~
Please~
Remember when I am haunted
That I was just scared-
And when I remember
That day in my life-
I will remember that you-
Were there-

Stevie Nicks
Oct. 11th, 2001

The ocean is dramatic – when you live on a mountain by the sea, the ocean is so loud that it seems like it’s own person – like a spirit. It is very different from living on the sand –
Where the ocean just goes straight out away from you – and it sounds more like constant percussion. When you are high above the ocean, you hear the whole ocean come from past Manhattan Beach right by you – and all the way to point Dune – and then it is silent- for a few seconds, and then – it sounds like the Shanghai Express is passing right under you – So, I will always find a cliff to dwell on, somewhere in this world – It almost seems like, sitting here, watching the cars go up the coast – that I never left~ Nothing has changed~ and yet, everything has changed~ I feel a little bit like I am in the “Twilight Zone”- But I am home~ I am starting to calm down a little bit, knowing there is no show tomorrow~ Lucky for me and the band that we are doing several shows between now and December or we’d all be freaked out. It is always hard to come back into the atmosphere after a tour ends. It is the age-old rock road problem – the road becomes normal~ going home is strange. The great thing is that- sitting here looking out my window there is not a Ritz-Carlton or a Four Seasons view that even comes close to what I’m looking at now.
So, I don’t know how I will feel tomorrow- I think I will rest for a few days and then work on the benefit I want to do there – I return to New York in November and there’s that part of me that can’t wait to go back. Actually, that is how I feel right now- like I found another home. New York, the city, became my heart that day. Someday I will have a house (by the sea) there~and write books~
And remember~

And last but not least, what I want to tell you is that sharing my ‘rock journal’ with you has been my therapy and my healing grace~ I thank you all so much for all your responses- Now that we’ve started this relationship, I will keep in touch~ my next adventure is out there on the horizon waiting, so it should be, at least, journal worthy~ And, thank you for coming to the shows. I do feel that there were great moments, even on the saddest nights~ and we had “great spirit.” From the very first show in Atlantic City, where I was just frozen- you made it possible for me to perform- with all your good feelings and energy- I will never forget you for that~ With all the trouble in Shangri-La~ I made it through~ with your help~

Thank you
from the bottom of my
Wild Heart…

Stevie

It is very late in the evening on September 10th, 2002

To Everyone~
As I said last year~ I wanted to share some of my journal entries with you~
A follow up to what we all experienced one year ago~
again, it helps me, I hope it helps you
a little bit~

I will write something the night of September 11th ~
Tomorrow night I’m sure~ emotional day ahead~
Everyone take a deep breath~
Thank you for reading these words~

Stevie Nicks

February 29th, 2002

Tomorrow I fly to New York~
First New York trip since 9-11~
First commercial flight~
since 9-11~

We finally ~
“Get back on the plane”

Love,
Stevie

March 11th, 2002
6 month anniversary of September 11th ~

Isn’t it odd that I am here today~ I was supposed to have left on Saturday, but Friday I decided I didn’t want to make 3 more cross country flights. Coming here last week was the first time I have traveled on a commercial airline since Sept. 11th. I came here to do the Revlon Breast Cancer Benefit with Sheryl Crow. When I realized that I was going to have to come back the next weekend to see my best friend Tom Petty be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame~ I just decided to stay ~ So here I am on March 11th, the 6 month anniversary of the bombing of the World Trade Center.

I am watching the Oprah show about Lauren, the lady chased through the lobby by a fire ball that blew out of the elevator and burned almost her whole body ~ About her husband, who never left her side~ And about her little boy, who did not run away from her when he saw her.

I’m sure tonight many more stories will be told~ People need to share their stories~ It opens my eyes even more to the ongoing aftershocks of that saddest of days~ But also, to the incredible resilience of the people of New York. What impresses me most is that everyone except the people here have been able to move away from the tragedy a little bit~ But the people here~ by virtue of just living here~ can’t really move away at all~ Everyday, new information, new stories~ Everyday that I have been here I have been touched by something about 9-11~ My morning at the Waldorf=Astoria, the morning that everyone’s ‘childlike innocence’ was threatened…But 6 months later~ here in New York~ People did not lose hope forever~ So I am glad and proud to be here now. Once again, it pretty much makes my problems fade to gray. I will write more as the week progresses~ I’m sure there will be much to say.

Tonight they light the two great blue light beams in tribute to those who died~ And for those who are left.
You will see these beams from outer space~ And from heaven…
In one minute the lights will be turned on~ here they go~ the two columns are becoming brighter and brighter…they are beautiful.
Beautiful
Blue
Light…
Love
Stevie
Nicks

New York City
March 12th-
2:00am
Late night news coverage

Slowly, a newswoman walks us through ground zero~ slowly touring the hallways hand prints on a wall, bottles in the Bar-Café, still waiting to be opened, not broken, not a person in sight~ dead or alive.
You really just can’t believe it.
I can’t express enough how much I admire the people who live here…it’s wonderful to be here~ but it is just so heavy~ Like I wrote when it happened~ it’s just almost too much to bear. Just overwhelming~ the blue lights went on tonight. You know how I feel about blue light…They are beautiful~ like the towers are~ see through, like gauze~ ghostly…Maybe that is what the towers look like in heaven…

Don’t take me to the tower
And take my child away
‘Twas I who was the hour glass
And the sands of time, like shattering glass
Went past me~ Like a tunnel ~
To the sea…

The four firemen working at the site~ Until they find their children. And John returned~ who lost two sons, well, if I had the power~ you can bet I would have turned back time~ waved a magic wand~ and given these men back their children. How inspired I am by them. I will write about them forever~

And so, in the words of an anonymous newsman~
“The grief is still as deep~
As the towers were tall”

I guess that about says it all…
Love
Stevie Nicks

May 30th , 2002
New York City

And once again, as destiny would have it, I am again here for the 3rd symbolic day of the tragedy. I came here to do a benefit show for the Robin Hood Foundation, a foundation that supports underprivileged children in New York ~ not realizing that ~ today, an empty stretcher is to be loaded into a waiting ambulance~ signifying the people who were never found.

The last steel girder, covered by a flag, put on a big truck~
And slowly driven away.

This is so hard for those who have worked so hard to find everybody. No one wanted to give up. I think they are so awesome.

So today, here in New York, the cleaning up is done, like that great fireman who said “We will stay until it is broom clean”~ and today was the official day where it was declared~ broom clean.

September 10, 2002
12:30a.m.
The Beach

I’m alone now…with my thoughts~ of how we could make it…of how we could get out. Of all of the trauma and of what we have been through…the smell of Nag Champra; shadows of the strangers…What I saw on this journey, I saw history go down; I cannot pretend that the heartache goes away. It’s just like a river; it’s never ending. I cannot pretend that the heartache falls away~
Because it’s like a river~
It’s never ending…

A year ago today ~ at this very time I was in the air~ flying from Toronto Canada to New York City. We landed at about three o’clock. I had been listening to a Shawn Colvin song over and over for weeks~ just this one song. It was about plane crashes.
“They found her on a hill
in Columbia
Intact amongst the debris”~
I remember singing that line walking from the plane to the limo~ over and over. It was my choice to not stay in Toronto for the day off. The band stayed in Canada. I wanted to go to New York… I think that is ~ destiny.
For some strange reason, I was meant to be there. Looking back, I see those three days, (11th, 12th, 13th) as in a dream. It’s all in slow motion…I remember being~ so happy to be going there. Maybe it is the contrast of the joyfulness and lightness~ the drive into New York~ the first time you see all the city lights, getting to the Waldorf~walking into that beautiful suite~that glorious New York sunrise coming through all the windows~I was so happy to be there. I don’t think I have ever felt that kind of joy~backed up against that kind of shock and disbelief. It seemed that I had just closed my eyes~ And the world changed
Forever~

I will not take you for granted
I wouldn’t trade you for jade~
Or for diamonds~
Not for one minute,
Not for anything
I need you to be there~
Just remember when I am haunted~
That I was just so scared.

I feel lucky that I was able to come off the road into the dreamlike setting of recording a studio album with Fleetwood Mac. It was a good place to be after what I had been through, I was very emotional~ the band felt very healing to me. I also felt so blessed to be alive and also be in a big time rock and roll band making new music~a great tragedy followed by a gift. Making this record has been a gift.

So for tonight, that is my message~

Love is a gift
Music is a gift
Life is a gift
Freedom ~ is a gift…

And the days go by
Like a strand in the wind~
In the web that is my own
I begin again…
Love
Stevie”



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